Wednesday, September 25, 2013

INFJ Angst

I am doing a very annoying INFJ thing today.

I am absolutely, thoroughly, completely, utterly stressing out because I have not done enough to make the world a better place today. 

I hate when I get in this mood, but I cannot jolly myself out of it.  Coffee did not help.  I put my last $10 in the gas tank and drove around doing errands with the music up way too loud.  Music did not help.  I tried reading.   Horrifyingly, books did not help; I was too restless to sit still.  I know all INFJ’s do this on occasion, but still, I hate the fact that I have traded 24 hours of my life for… what?  An average, boring, typical day.  Yes, I went to work for a while and was a good-enough employee.  Yes, I parented my special needs kid and was a good-enough parent.  Yes, I did errands and all the things that I “should” do as a responsible citizen.  Yes, I hung out with a friend for a while and played with her babies.  I looked for karma-building opportunities.  I watched carefully for pedestrians while I was out and about to see if any needed to be rescued from the dangerous paths of out-of-control vehicles.  None did.  I did not win the lottery, so I will not be donating my winnings to my favorite charities.  I did not have enough time to donate blood.  I looked for homeless people to whom to donate my last dollar in quarters.  Even the ubiquitous homeless on the street corners of Eugene were somewhere else today.  Maybe they saw my frown and ran for cover.  The gray clouds fit my mood today perfectly.

I am very unsatisfied.  This is very unacceptable to me.  Nothing I did will matter in 100 years.  Damn it all.  I am a day closer to death and it means exactly nothing.  I give up.  I am going to take a nap. 

This describes me perfectly today: